Hi Ladies,
Creating connecting points is oh so vital for us, as families but especially as women. Making time, sometimes even just a moment, literally makes all kinds of health changes in a person's body, as well as uplift their mind for hours.
This past weekend my sweet hubby totally ticked me off. He had been late for two nights in a row to things that I absolutely had to be to. I usually only have three things a month that are crucial so this was incredibly annoying, moreso because it has happened before, two nights in a row. The second night I was speaking and was actually five minutes late for the speaking engagement (all the people sitting there, wide-eyed, where is the speaker??) I was livid. But trying hard to stay calm and cool, to shelve it while I spoke so that it wouldn't interfere with my ability to share what was needed.
Driving home, much calmer and happier, I realized I had a choice--connect and fundamentally share thoughts and feelings in a way that is positive or just go back to those angry feelings from the hour before.
At home we had a discussion for over an hour (we were supposed to leave on our date), and we candidly told the children that we were working something out. What made me think about those connecting points was how we resolved it, at least this time! We kept it from getting loud (by simply saying, "Please speak quietly" when it started to escalate). We kept it focused--just on this one issue of being late. I kept it to how it made me feel--lack of respect and fear each time he was involved in my needing to leave on time. He overcame his frustration at the things of his day and was able to step back emotionally and say, Okay, MY being late and my frustration had nothing to do with you.
We stayed physically connected, touching knees and sitting close. As often as was appropriate we threw in some humor. At the end he said to me, "I'll make sure that next time you have something important to you, I will put everything else second." Wow. With no flash cards or cues from me. We went on to have a really great date that night and thoroughly enjoy being together.
It has taken us 15 years to get to just this point but it is a good point and worth the time and energy put towards creating those daily connecting points.
All my best,
Connie Sokol
Mother of 6
Executive LIFECoach
President, LIFEChange
http://www.lifechangeprogram.com/
Monday, October 27, 2008
Monday, October 20, 2008
LIFETip: Learning to relax...
Hi Ladies,
I have to laugh because this is SO NOT ME, not something I feel I can share the most remote thing about, but then as I was on the treadmill this morning a flood of ideas came about this very topic, mostly because I need it.
After chatting with several friends about this over the past few days, I have realized yet again that we women are WOUND. Do you feel that way? Do you wake up with a knot in your stomach or feel like you're walking on eggshells, waiting for the penny to drop, the clock to strike, the disaster to hit? A friend I talked to just this morning said that in a regular conversation the other person said, "Why are you clenching your fists?" This is a rational, nice woman who openly confesses that she is wound (which of course wouldn't be any of us...)
Living this way is not only tough on our bodies and emotions but it is a one-way ticket to panic attacks, primal screams, alienating all known forms of friends and acquaintances and losing our hair. So what do we DO about it? Stop right there. It's first and foremost NOT about doing (why all the CAPS?? To make Very Important Points).
Take an actual "time" time-out. One friend said that she literally sent her husband and many children to their annual Disneyland trip WITHOUT HER. This was completely intentional. For the first time in a very very very long while she had the house to herself (don't you want to run through it, dancing in your bathrobe??) It was joy. It was divine. It was sublime. Of course they came home and she is now back on cracking out the B12s as fast she can open them but THOSE FOUR DAYS WERE FABULOUS
Breathe. When your son says he has a broken foot, the teacher calls and says you have to bring him RIGHT NOW to finish official and very vital state testing, your baby has thrown up on you, your husband forgot his cell phone and needs you drive it an hour away and you forgot the spaghetti noodles you left boiling on the stove and because of the stench you all have to live in the food storage closet for three days, HEY, BREATHE. Truly, there are all kinds of boring statistics on how fabulous, utterly fabulous just breathing well and deep is for the soul. So right now as you read this, sit up tall, breathe from your diaphragm, in through your nose for five seconds, out through your mouth for five seconds. Do that three times. Either you have passed out or you feel great, either way you have a hit a new high.
Remember life is in 24 hours. Though planning ahead is a great skill, we women can get too ahead of ourselves and frankly, squelch the fun. If you're reading this and feeling relaxed, congratulations! You are allowing yourself to let go already. If not, if you are gripping the side of the computer desk or nervously pulling at your face or hair, I invite you to go back and read the tip, this time on a print out, on the grass, looking up at the sky...
Copyright 2006 Connie Sokol/LIFEChange
I have to laugh because this is SO NOT ME, not something I feel I can share the most remote thing about, but then as I was on the treadmill this morning a flood of ideas came about this very topic, mostly because I need it.
After chatting with several friends about this over the past few days, I have realized yet again that we women are WOUND. Do you feel that way? Do you wake up with a knot in your stomach or feel like you're walking on eggshells, waiting for the penny to drop, the clock to strike, the disaster to hit? A friend I talked to just this morning said that in a regular conversation the other person said, "Why are you clenching your fists?" This is a rational, nice woman who openly confesses that she is wound (which of course wouldn't be any of us...)
Living this way is not only tough on our bodies and emotions but it is a one-way ticket to panic attacks, primal screams, alienating all known forms of friends and acquaintances and losing our hair. So what do we DO about it? Stop right there. It's first and foremost NOT about doing (why all the CAPS?? To make Very Important Points).
Take an actual "time" time-out. One friend said that she literally sent her husband and many children to their annual Disneyland trip WITHOUT HER. This was completely intentional. For the first time in a very very very long while she had the house to herself (don't you want to run through it, dancing in your bathrobe??) It was joy. It was divine. It was sublime. Of course they came home and she is now back on cracking out the B12s as fast she can open them but THOSE FOUR DAYS WERE FABULOUS
Breathe. When your son says he has a broken foot, the teacher calls and says you have to bring him RIGHT NOW to finish official and very vital state testing, your baby has thrown up on you, your husband forgot his cell phone and needs you drive it an hour away and you forgot the spaghetti noodles you left boiling on the stove and because of the stench you all have to live in the food storage closet for three days, HEY, BREATHE. Truly, there are all kinds of boring statistics on how fabulous, utterly fabulous just breathing well and deep is for the soul. So right now as you read this, sit up tall, breathe from your diaphragm, in through your nose for five seconds, out through your mouth for five seconds. Do that three times. Either you have passed out or you feel great, either way you have a hit a new high.
Remember life is in 24 hours. Though planning ahead is a great skill, we women can get too ahead of ourselves and frankly, squelch the fun. If you're reading this and feeling relaxed, congratulations! You are allowing yourself to let go already. If not, if you are gripping the side of the computer desk or nervously pulling at your face or hair, I invite you to go back and read the tip, this time on a print out, on the grass, looking up at the sky...
All my best,
Connie
Mother of six
Executive LIFECoach
President, LIFEChange
http://www.lifechangeprogram.com/
Copyright 2006 Connie Sokol/LIFEChange
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Quick organizing tip from fabulous reader!
Hi Ladies,
Here's a great and FAST organizing tip from Cindy Dandoy of Seattle, Washington. She shares the "5 Pick up" rule. Wherever you are in the home (or purse or car), simply throw away five things. She likes to clean out five things from the junk drawer while she's talking on the phone. Slick. Consider how often you have a few seconds to throw out five things and, a little here and a little there, your house is decluttered! Give this a whirl and let us know how it worked for you too.
All my best,
Connie
Connie Sokol
Mother of six
Executive LIFECoach
President, LIFEChange
info@lifechangeprogram.com
801.787.4910
Here's a great and FAST organizing tip from Cindy Dandoy of Seattle, Washington. She shares the "5 Pick up" rule. Wherever you are in the home (or purse or car), simply throw away five things. She likes to clean out five things from the junk drawer while she's talking on the phone. Slick. Consider how often you have a few seconds to throw out five things and, a little here and a little there, your house is decluttered! Give this a whirl and let us know how it worked for you too.
All my best,
Connie
Connie Sokol
Mother of six
Executive LIFECoach
President, LIFEChange
info@lifechangeprogram.com
801.787.4910
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
What is truly "being productive"?
Dear Ladies:
In the book, The 7 Stages of Motherhood, author and former editor of Parents magazine Ann Pleschette Murphy shares the following experience. She was sitting in the bathroom with her back against the wall while her young but capable son was taking a bath. As she looked through her daily to do list she sighed; when he asked her why, she said, “I didn’t do anything productive today.” He thoughtfully responded, “Yes, you did. You’re sitting here with me taking my bath when I don’t really need you to be here and you found Lego Man’s hair.” At that, she recalled the time taken to scour each room of the house in search of the tiny hair piece, eventually triumphant. She hadn’t considered that a “productive” thing, but eye-openingly, her son did.
With Mrs. Murphy’s experience, I then thought back through my week and reconsidered–not that I wasn’t productive in the prior list, but this time included the “other” productivity–the intangible things that also mattered, and generally mattered most. I thought of finding my son’s Yugi-Oh cards, picking up another child’s favorite lunch treat, and searching the house for the perfect crazy hat for Crazy Days at school for my 1st grader. Each of these accomplishments was met with a, “Wow, mom, you found it/did it/you’re the best!” I felt happy and fulfilled that as a mom, I had done my job! These were small, could be overlooked things to me, but they were important to them. This was just as applicable to my husband, friends and neighbors. As I thought further, I recalled picking up a sippie cup at the store–on a playdate I had noticed a hammered sippie cup belonging to a neighbor’s child, taking a pint of Ben and Jerry’s to a friend who’d been in a car accident, and making an important phone call for my husband that he had forgotten. Each person responded with joy and gratitude, and their outlook on life seemed improved. I began to see where these intangibles were definitely “productive”.
What are some of the “productive” things you do daily, that you possibly hadn’t considered? At the close of the day or evening, as you review the essential items of the day--most likely with a planner at your bedside–resist the urge to first check off your “to do” list. Instead, first recall the long-term productive moments–pausing to call a friend, stopping to look at and kiss your child as you fastened the car seat belt, turning off the TV to listen to a child or a spouse tell you something–and mentally pat yourself on the back and smile at your accomplishment.
That sounds pretty productive to me.
All my best,
Connie Sokol
Executive LIFECoach
President, LIFEChange
In the book, The 7 Stages of Motherhood, author and former editor of Parents magazine Ann Pleschette Murphy shares the following experience. She was sitting in the bathroom with her back against the wall while her young but capable son was taking a bath. As she looked through her daily to do list she sighed; when he asked her why, she said, “I didn’t do anything productive today.” He thoughtfully responded, “Yes, you did. You’re sitting here with me taking my bath when I don’t really need you to be here and you found Lego Man’s hair.” At that, she recalled the time taken to scour each room of the house in search of the tiny hair piece, eventually triumphant. She hadn’t considered that a “productive” thing, but eye-openingly, her son did.
With Mrs. Murphy’s experience, I then thought back through my week and reconsidered–not that I wasn’t productive in the prior list, but this time included the “other” productivity–the intangible things that also mattered, and generally mattered most. I thought of finding my son’s Yugi-Oh cards, picking up another child’s favorite lunch treat, and searching the house for the perfect crazy hat for Crazy Days at school for my 1st grader. Each of these accomplishments was met with a, “Wow, mom, you found it/did it/you’re the best!” I felt happy and fulfilled that as a mom, I had done my job! These were small, could be overlooked things to me, but they were important to them. This was just as applicable to my husband, friends and neighbors. As I thought further, I recalled picking up a sippie cup at the store–on a playdate I had noticed a hammered sippie cup belonging to a neighbor’s child, taking a pint of Ben and Jerry’s to a friend who’d been in a car accident, and making an important phone call for my husband that he had forgotten. Each person responded with joy and gratitude, and their outlook on life seemed improved. I began to see where these intangibles were definitely “productive”.
What are some of the “productive” things you do daily, that you possibly hadn’t considered? At the close of the day or evening, as you review the essential items of the day--most likely with a planner at your bedside–resist the urge to first check off your “to do” list. Instead, first recall the long-term productive moments–pausing to call a friend, stopping to look at and kiss your child as you fastened the car seat belt, turning off the TV to listen to a child or a spouse tell you something–and mentally pat yourself on the back and smile at your accomplishment.
That sounds pretty productive to me.
All my best,
Connie Sokol
Executive LIFECoach
President, LIFEChange
Monday, October 6, 2008
Embracing what life brings you
Hi Ladies,
I went through an excruciating experience this evening known as...family portraits. Though I will share more on the subject next week, I have to say that my sweet husband continued to share his thoughts about my level of stress. His thoughtfulness was a little more than I desired, and I wanted to share my feelings on the subject right back; as in, Listen sweet cheeks, if you think I can get six children scrubbed, identically matched and STILL attired at the time of pictures, with hair in the right place, and fingers not in their noses, and noboby fighting, crying, pinching or whatever else they can think of, AND NOT BE STRESSED, YOUUUU are the one that's crazy.
It has caused me to reflect, however, on the importance of doing just what he was trying so nobly to suggest--in the thick of it, enjoy it, and simply embrace what is. Easier said than done with six young children. But he is, actually, right (you didn't hear it from me). And now I think, I should really have tried to relax and just enjoy that if someone had a fight and there was blood spurting all over their nicely matched clothes, it would, in the end, be a more realistic picture of our lives than standing with our legs resting casually on a fence and our arms casually draped over our loved ones. So live the dream, or endure the photo shoot.
All my best,
Connie
Executive LIFECoach
President, LIFEChange
Thriving mother of six
www.lifechangeprogram.com
801.787.4910
I went through an excruciating experience this evening known as...family portraits. Though I will share more on the subject next week, I have to say that my sweet husband continued to share his thoughts about my level of stress. His thoughtfulness was a little more than I desired, and I wanted to share my feelings on the subject right back; as in, Listen sweet cheeks, if you think I can get six children scrubbed, identically matched and STILL attired at the time of pictures, with hair in the right place, and fingers not in their noses, and noboby fighting, crying, pinching or whatever else they can think of, AND NOT BE STRESSED, YOUUUU are the one that's crazy.
It has caused me to reflect, however, on the importance of doing just what he was trying so nobly to suggest--in the thick of it, enjoy it, and simply embrace what is. Easier said than done with six young children. But he is, actually, right (you didn't hear it from me). And now I think, I should really have tried to relax and just enjoy that if someone had a fight and there was blood spurting all over their nicely matched clothes, it would, in the end, be a more realistic picture of our lives than standing with our legs resting casually on a fence and our arms casually draped over our loved ones. So live the dream, or endure the photo shoot.
All my best,
Connie
Executive LIFECoach
President, LIFEChange
Thriving mother of six
www.lifechangeprogram.com
801.787.4910
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
The Need for Fun and Functional
Dear Ladies,
It’s that fabulous time of year when the leaves burst with color, and the morning air is invigorating. It reminds me of the movie “You’ve Got Mail” where Tom Hanks describes loving fall in New York as it makes him want to buy school supplies.
In that same vein, though you have heard the phrase to “sharpen the saw,” I invite you this month to “sharpen the pencil.” If you have children, they are off at school learning new and fabulous things (like how to find the cafeteria). They are experiencing new ideas, growth and friends. How about you? This is your time too. Whether your children are all at home, at school, or somewhere in between, you can create a window of opportunity to see some new rejuvenating scenery in your life.
What do you want to do–take a pottery class, get back in shape, organize the kitchen, or make time for friends? Whether it’s to clean out an old closest, finish your degree or learn how to knit, this is the time to do it.
Think about what you would like to have experienced or accomplished by November. Mentally jump a month or two down the track and imagine having or doing that wonderful thing you wanted. How do you feel?
I know the reality of accomplishing something in a few months, as myself and other women we have LIFECoached have remodeled a home, lost three dress sizes, created a one-year food storage, re-organize an office including filing system, eliminated house clutter, improved depression symptoms, organized a master cooking and shopping list, expanded a home-based business, reworked a home budget to save $1200 a month, and more.
Choose something, one thing that sounds wonderful to you. Make it either fun or functional, that way it will be rewarding: when you do something knowingly just for fun, you let go of production expectations; when you do something functional, it improves your time efficiency or energy, which is always enjoyable.
Write that one thing down and put it on your mirror. Consider ways to accomplish it. Jot notes, make phone calls, do something to make it happen. Whatever you choose, the dream is yours. Do it today!
All my best,
Connie Sokol
Executive LIFECoach
President, LIFEChange
It’s that fabulous time of year when the leaves burst with color, and the morning air is invigorating. It reminds me of the movie “You’ve Got Mail” where Tom Hanks describes loving fall in New York as it makes him want to buy school supplies.
In that same vein, though you have heard the phrase to “sharpen the saw,” I invite you this month to “sharpen the pencil.” If you have children, they are off at school learning new and fabulous things (like how to find the cafeteria). They are experiencing new ideas, growth and friends. How about you? This is your time too. Whether your children are all at home, at school, or somewhere in between, you can create a window of opportunity to see some new rejuvenating scenery in your life.
What do you want to do–take a pottery class, get back in shape, organize the kitchen, or make time for friends? Whether it’s to clean out an old closest, finish your degree or learn how to knit, this is the time to do it.
Think about what you would like to have experienced or accomplished by November. Mentally jump a month or two down the track and imagine having or doing that wonderful thing you wanted. How do you feel?
I know the reality of accomplishing something in a few months, as myself and other women we have LIFECoached have remodeled a home, lost three dress sizes, created a one-year food storage, re-organize an office including filing system, eliminated house clutter, improved depression symptoms, organized a master cooking and shopping list, expanded a home-based business, reworked a home budget to save $1200 a month, and more.
Choose something, one thing that sounds wonderful to you. Make it either fun or functional, that way it will be rewarding: when you do something knowingly just for fun, you let go of production expectations; when you do something functional, it improves your time efficiency or energy, which is always enjoyable.
Write that one thing down and put it on your mirror. Consider ways to accomplish it. Jot notes, make phone calls, do something to make it happen. Whatever you choose, the dream is yours. Do it today!
All my best,
Connie Sokol
Executive LIFECoach
President, LIFEChange
Mother's bathroom--a communal gathering place?
Hi Ladies,
I've been struck again at how often the bathroom becomes a communal gathering place for my children; as in, only my bathroom. I know this can be a somewhat delicate subject, but the fact of the annoying matter is that my children can be playing happily for AN HOUR with nary a hiccup, and then as soon as I head for le toilet, it's re-enacting the running of the bulls at Pamplona.
My suggestion for you--if this is a problem in your life--is to simply say, "This is mother's domain. OUT!" or something just as pointed but lovely. Too often I realize that I'm content to continue their conversations in and out of the restroom, which only adds to the belief that they are allowed to continue such conversations.
Feel free to draw a clear line in the sand, or the tile: when mother rushes into the bathroom, DO NOT FOLLOW, DO NOT CONTINUE TO SPEAK, DO NOT MAKE REQUESTS OR DETAIL EPISODES OF STAR WARS WHILE SHE TRIES TO HAVE ALONE TIME. The solution for them? Simply wait. I invite you to try this remarkably simple yet overlooked action today.
All my best,
Connie
Executive LIFECoach
President, LIFEChange
Thriving mother of six
www.lifechangeprogram.com
801.787.4910
I've been struck again at how often the bathroom becomes a communal gathering place for my children; as in, only my bathroom. I know this can be a somewhat delicate subject, but the fact of the annoying matter is that my children can be playing happily for AN HOUR with nary a hiccup, and then as soon as I head for le toilet, it's re-enacting the running of the bulls at Pamplona.
My suggestion for you--if this is a problem in your life--is to simply say, "This is mother's domain. OUT!" or something just as pointed but lovely. Too often I realize that I'm content to continue their conversations in and out of the restroom, which only adds to the belief that they are allowed to continue such conversations.
Feel free to draw a clear line in the sand, or the tile: when mother rushes into the bathroom, DO NOT FOLLOW, DO NOT CONTINUE TO SPEAK, DO NOT MAKE REQUESTS OR DETAIL EPISODES OF STAR WARS WHILE SHE TRIES TO HAVE ALONE TIME. The solution for them? Simply wait. I invite you to try this remarkably simple yet overlooked action today.
All my best,
Connie
Executive LIFECoach
President, LIFEChange
Thriving mother of six
www.lifechangeprogram.com
801.787.4910
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