Creating connecting points is oh so vital for us, as families but especially as women. Making time, sometimes even just a moment, literally makes all kinds of health changes in a person's body, as well as uplift their mind for hours.
This past weekend my sweet hubby totally ticked me off. He had been late for two nights in a row to things that I absolutely had to be to. I usually only have three things a month that are crucial so this was incredibly annoying, moreso because it has happened before, two nights in a row. The second night I was speaking and was actually five minutes late for the speaking engagement (all the people sitting there, wide-eyed, where is the speaker??) I was livid. But trying hard to stay calm and cool, to shelve it while I spoke so that it wouldn't interfere with my ability to share what was needed.
Driving home, much calmer and happier, I realized I had a choice--connect and fundamentally share thoughts and feelings in a way that is positive or just go back to those angry feelings from the hour before.
At home we had a discussion for over an hour (we were supposed to leave on our date), and we candidly told the children that we were working something out. What made me think about those connecting points was how we resolved it, at least this time! We kept it from getting loud (by simply saying, "Please speak quietly" when it started to escalate). We kept it focused--just on this one issue of being late. I kept it to how it made me feel--lack of respect and fear each time he was involved in my needing to leave on time. He overcame his frustration at the things of his day and was able to step back emotionally and say, Okay, MY being late and my frustration had nothing to do with you.
We stayed physically connected, touching knees and sitting close. As often as was appropriate we threw in some humor. At the end he said to me, "I'll make sure that next time you have something important to you, I will put everything else second." Wow. With no flash cards or cues from me. We went on to have a really great date that night and thoroughly enjoy being together.
It has taken us 15 years to get to just this point but it is a good point and worth the time and energy put towards creating those daily connecting points.
All my best,
Mother of 6